All of my good days outweigh my bad

To say that this has been a bad day seems like such an understatement to me.  4 years ago today my little boy passed from my arms into the arms of Jesus.  I literally held him as he took his last breaths.  It was the most torturous moment of my life. I sat there and just held him crying in disbelief.  My heart was in agony.  I can tell you honestly that today on this 4th year I have never struggled so much just to make it through the day. I know being pregnant never helps with controlling your emotions. But to be extremely transparent I am feeling the devastation deeply today. 

This morning life in itself got in the way.  It was bound to be an unpleasant day already but life seemed to be working hard against me. One of those mornings where all of the little things go wrong.  Late to work, stuck in traffic, gas light on, screaming baby (although my heart is so grateful today for that sound), health insurance problems it just seemed to go on and on.

Please God grant me your peace today on this horrible day.  That was my prayer all morning.

I am so glad we have a God who hears our cries. . Today I am even more grateful than normal for the job I have. During our quarterly graduation I usually take photos of the occasion and a gentlemen sang this song. (I forgot how much I love gospel music)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBZrVqd0ahQ

I've had some good days I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights

But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days
I won't complain
Sometimes the clouds are low
I can hardly see the road
I ask a question, Lord
Lord, why so much pain?
But he knows what's best for me
Although my weary eyes
They can't see
So I'll just say thank you Lord
I won't complain

The Lord
Has been so good to me
He's been good to me
More than this old world or you could ever be
He's been so good
To me

He dried all of my tears away
Turned my midnights into day
So I'll just say thank you Lord
I've been lied on
But thank you Lord
I've been talked about
But thank you Lord
I've been misunderstood
But thank you Lord
You might be sick
Body reeking with pain
But thank you Lord
The bills are due
Don't know where the money coming from
But thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
I want
I want to thank God
God
God
God
Has been so good to me
He's been good to me
More than this old world or you could ever be
He's been so good
He's been so good
He's been so good
So good
So good
So good
So good
To me
He dried all of my tears away
Turned my midnight into day

 

 

I couldn't get past "All of my good days outweigh my bad".  I know that tomorrow will be a better day, because Jesus is all I need. I sobbed through the whole song. My co-worker had to ask me if I was alright.  I couldn't truthfully answer. Today I feel as if the pain would consume me, BUT thanking God that "All of my good days outweigh my bad"