All of my good days outweigh my bad

To say that this has been a bad day seems like such an understatement to me.  4 years ago today my little boy passed from my arms into the arms of Jesus.  I literally held him as he took his last breaths.  It was the most torturous moment of my life. I sat there and just held him crying in disbelief.  My heart was in agony.  I can tell you honestly that today on this 4th year I have never struggled so much just to make it through the day. I know being pregnant never helps with controlling your emotions. But to be extremely transparent I am feeling the devastation deeply today. 

This morning life in itself got in the way.  It was bound to be an unpleasant day already but life seemed to be working hard against me. One of those mornings where all of the little things go wrong.  Late to work, stuck in traffic, gas light on, screaming baby (although my heart is so grateful today for that sound), health insurance problems it just seemed to go on and on.

Please God grant me your peace today on this horrible day.  That was my prayer all morning.

I am so glad we have a God who hears our cries. . Today I am even more grateful than normal for the job I have. During our quarterly graduation I usually take photos of the occasion and a gentlemen sang this song. (I forgot how much I love gospel music)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBZrVqd0ahQ

I've had some good days I've had some hills to climb
I've had some weary days
And some sleepless nights

But when I look around
And I think things over
All of my good days
Outweigh my bad days
I won't complain
Sometimes the clouds are low
I can hardly see the road
I ask a question, Lord
Lord, why so much pain?
But he knows what's best for me
Although my weary eyes
They can't see
So I'll just say thank you Lord
I won't complain

The Lord
Has been so good to me
He's been good to me
More than this old world or you could ever be
He's been so good
To me

He dried all of my tears away
Turned my midnights into day
So I'll just say thank you Lord
I've been lied on
But thank you Lord
I've been talked about
But thank you Lord
I've been misunderstood
But thank you Lord
You might be sick
Body reeking with pain
But thank you Lord
The bills are due
Don't know where the money coming from
But thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
Thank you Lord
I want
I want to thank God
God
God
God
Has been so good to me
He's been good to me
More than this old world or you could ever be
He's been so good
He's been so good
He's been so good
So good
So good
So good
So good
To me
He dried all of my tears away
Turned my midnight into day

 

 

I couldn't get past "All of my good days outweigh my bad".  I know that tomorrow will be a better day, because Jesus is all I need. I sobbed through the whole song. My co-worker had to ask me if I was alright.  I couldn't truthfully answer. Today I feel as if the pain would consume me, BUT thanking God that "All of my good days outweigh my bad"

Bod 4 God

So we started a new sermon series at church called Bod 4 God.  Really focusing on honoring God with our bodies.  You can check it out here http://www.akronfree.org/#/watch-messages

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." 1 Cor. 6:19-20

Ironically enough I knew this was coming for a few weeks now I work on the stage design at our church so I had been planning around this theme for a few weeks. What I didn't know was 2 days before this launch I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes.  Well first of all if you know me you know that I have yet to have a completely normal pregnancy so to say that this was kind of a blow is understatement.  But that's neither her nor their I will save pregnancy for another blog. Where it is a bit discouraging and ridiculously inconvenient in a way I am very grateful.  You see G.D. usually goes away as soon as the baby is born so its really a temporary condition.  But it got me thinking for sure. I'm not exactly the healthiest person ok I'm not at all. Was God trying to get my attention. TOTALLY!!! I can not and will not be a mom who teaches "do as I say, not as I do".  But more importantly than what I am teaching my girls is the fact that I am not honoring God with my body. At least not when it comes to healthy habits.

You see for the most part we all get embarrassed when we have a messy house and someone is about to come over right? You might go on crazy cleaning frenzy. My husband always joke that we should have people over more often because I always go on a cleaning craze when I know someone is coming. (Quick fact about me I am not a very good house wife) Anyways not that God should be an occasional person who only visits on once in a while but he should be a permanent resident within us. What kind of temple are we creating for Him to reside in. Am I just doing a quick clean up when I think it matters. Or am I creating a dwelling place that is worthy of Him.

I figured I've done on diets before and sometime even had some success, but why hasn't is stuck. Because I have never really listen to the fact that my body is not my own.  I always did these diets for me. Even wanting to be healthier if not for the wright reasons can be pointless.

I want to be healthy because that is what God asks of us. Because my body is His temple and he paid a very high price for it. 

My body was made by God and for God.

Well I can't promise that I will be the best at keeping this blog updated. Seeing as in a few more months my third bambino will be making HER entrance into the world.  But man I miss journaling/blogging.  I had to give it a go again. So here goes.

As a full time working momma I find juggling life to be my biggest challenge right now.  Thanks to one of my newest friends post http://rebeccaarouse.blogspot.com/2012/08/creating-stability.html I felt a urge to begin to reorganize a few areas of my household. After all I'm all about making my life not necessarily easier but more practical one this new baby arrives.  I came up with my own version of a cleaning list.  Its fabulous. Reminds me of what needs to be done and how often. A new weekly to do list for items for the hubby and me to focus on during the weekend.  Last but not least a grocery list. ( I will add pics later but they are on my work computer). My goal is to stick with this as closely as I can so that we form some new habits. I CAN DO IT!!! That's what I"m going to keep telling myself until it sticks.  I know life will never be perfectly organized most definitely not in mine, but I believe that these changes can really help ME focus on being more Disciplined..... A word I've struggled with my whole life. But praise God it is at least a part of my vocabulary now.  Praying for small victories everyday.  More to come. Thanks for following.